Losing control

Today’s #GoodtypeTuesday prompt is to letter something we’re afraid of in order to face it. Ironically, I felt pretty anxious — maybe even fearful — about this prompt. So much so that I almost took a hard pass. But that didn’t sit right with me because I don’t like turning away from things due to fear. There are lots of good reasons not to do something, but fear doesn’t seem like one of them to me.⁣

So, I delved into the deep. I thought a lot about what I’m afraid of — making mistakes, judgement of others, failing my children. And then, for each of these, I asked what am I *really* afraid of. The answer? I’m ultimately afraid of losing control. ⁣

In my head, I know this is all kinds of silly. I don’t really have control in the first place, so how could I lose it? But my heart is a different story. Somewhere deep inside, I still am clinging to a naive wish to control my world, to make it safe and comprehensible. Those are understandable things to wish, but controlling everything 1) Isn’t going to get me there and 2) Definitely isn’t actually possible. Talk about setting myself up for failure!⁣

So, here I am, acknowledging my ultimate fear, and hopefully loosening its grip over me just a little more. 

Losing control

Published by Emily P.G. Erickson

Emily P.G. Erickson is a writer with a master's degree in psychology. She crafts thoughtful, compassionate essays about culture, mental health, mindfulness, and motherhood. Her writing has appeared in Scary Mommy, Motherly, Motherwell, and more. You can find the latest from Emily at www.emilypgerickson.com.

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