Losing control

Today’s #GoodtypeTuesday prompt is to letter something we’re afraid of in order to face it. Ironically, I felt pretty anxious — maybe even fearful — about this prompt. So much so that I almost took a hard pass. But that didn’t sit right with me because I don’t like turning away from things due to fear. There are lots of good reasons not to do something, but fear doesn’t seem like one of them to me.⁣

So, I delved into the deep. I thought a lot about what I’m afraid of — making mistakes, judgement of others, failing my children. And then, for each of these, I asked what am I *really* afraid of. The answer? I’m ultimately afraid of losing control. ⁣

In my head, I know this is all kinds of silly. I don’t really have control in the first place, so how could I lose it? But my heart is a different story. Somewhere deep inside, I still am clinging to a naive wish to control my world, to make it safe and comprehensible. Those are understandable things to wish, but controlling everything 1) Isn’t going to get me there and 2) Definitely isn’t actually possible. Talk about setting myself up for failure!⁣

So, here I am, acknowledging my ultimate fear, and hopefully loosening its grip over me just a little more. 

Losing control

Published by Emily P.G. Erickson

Emily P.G. Erickson is a freelance writer specializing in mental health and parenting. She has written for popular digital publications, including Everyday Health, Health, The New York Times, Parents, Romper, WIRED, and more. Emily is a professional member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA) and the Association of Health Care Journalists (AHCJ). Previously, Emily researched PTSD for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and earned a master's in psychology. You can find the latest from Emily at www.emilypgerickson.com.

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