Create things just for yourself

Words repeat in my head. I think of a bounce house. Up and down. Up and down. Against the sides and back again. Eventually they need to come out. So I write. Fingers tap on a keyboard or conduct a pen. The words are unsteady to start. They can’t quite stand after all that bouncing. After a while, they start to become more fluid and upright. They make sense. They look like who they are. I push them along with my gray keys or blue Papermate. March march march. I am bewitched. I can’t see out the sides of my eyes. I only see them. Only feel them moving through me. It is good to feel them and not myself.

 

But when you ask me to write for you. I only see you. Your ideas about me. About the words. Your face when you read them. I fixate on your face and the words blur and wobble.

 

This is why I can’t write for you.

 

I have to write for me.

 

 

create things just for yourself

Published by Emily P.G. Erickson

Emily P.G. Erickson is a writer with a master's degree in psychology. Her helpful, science-backed journalism and essays about mental health, mindfulness, and motherhood have appeared in The New York Times, WIRED, Romper, Elemental, and elsewhere. You can find the latest from Emily at www.emilypgerickson.com.

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