I feel like an imposter at least daily. And often for things that really, truly, objectively I have no business feeling that way about. For instance, last week I had a parent-teacher conference at my son’s preschool. Leading up to that 15 minute meeting I was SO NERVOUS. Deep down, I was convinced I would walk in and the teacher would say, “Oh Emily. I’m so sorry, but it’s clear to everyone here that you don’t deserve to be a mother. We need to take your children and place then with a real mom.” Of course this didn’t happen. But in the pit of my stomach, the fear and guilt that it would was all too real.
I can try to tackle this head on by reminding myself of how I stay up at night with my kids when they’re sick or scarred. How I make them food to eat. How I try so hard to be respectful in my interactions with them. About how I love them with all I’ve got. But the part of me that’s good at arguing for why I really am a parent has just as much facility in arguing for why I don’t deserve to be one.
Instead, I find it most helpful to opt out of the arguing all together. I scan for signs of HALT (that is, hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and meet those needs if I can. Most often, for me, it’s my blood sugar that needs a boost. When I finally eat something, I can see a little more clearly and the “You’re a fraud!” sneers have been muted.
Anyway, happy Tuesday y’all. You’re not a fraud either. It’s time to fuel up and #keeponkeepingon.