‘Tis the season to take on too much. Restraint is an alternative approach.
I’m a little bit delusional. Particularly when it comes to how much I think I can take on. Over and over, I find myself acting as if my capacity is more oceanic than it is.
After all, the demands on my time are quite small, in the scheme of things. No one is asking me to broker peace between Israel and Hamas. No one looks to me to personally overhaul our healthcare systems. The requests I entertain are microscopic, the everyday stuff of an ordinary human living a normal life. It’s only one more assignment. It’s just an additional meal to cook.
What’s another drop of water? What’s another gallon, even, when there’s so much more liquid out there in need of somewhere to go? So I absorb, absorb, absorb. Telling myself it shouldn’t be a big deal.
But even the ocean has its limits. Sea levels are rising in unsustainable, dangerous ways right this minute. So who am I to act as if I am the only natural thing without constraints?
At age 37, this tendency isn’t as bad as it once was, say when I was 22 or 28 or even 36. But it lingers. I am actively learning to be realistic. To honor my human limits, which are greater than I wish they were. To acknowledge that when stressors are added, support should be too. It requires an honest accounting. And restraint – a concept that chafes against the sense I should always be improving, adding, better than before.
What does this look like for me right now? It means that, in November, when I realized I hit my annual income goal and I remembered how stressful Decembers are, I turned down new writing assignments for the rest of the year. It also means that I have been running less or not at all as a foot injury heals, even though, earlier this fall, I ran through similar pain (ask me how that went). And, on nights when I’m especially tired, I read my sons just a few pages before bed instead of the whole chapter.
Compared to the size of the globe, these shifts couldn’t be smaller. But seen at the scale of my life, the significance snaps into a more fitting focus.
Acknowledging my limits means protecting the person I am as opposed to pretending I’m the person I wish I were. Each limit inoculates against potential resentment. Restraint promotes flexibility and moderation, pointing to a dynamic middle path. I’m finding it to be a meaningful practice that sends positive ripples to the farthest shores of my life.
My Latest Work
Loneliness is a big deal.
The U.S. Surgeon General issued a health advisory about loneliness earlier this year, calling out all sorts of alarming stats about its link to heart disease, stroke, mental illness, and other problems.
You’d think you’d already know if you should be concerned, but, actually, the signs of loneliness aren’t always obvious – making it tricky to address and leaving many people at risk without knowing it.
Dive into my latest article for Everyday Health, where I detail both straightforward and surprising signs of loneliness. Because when you understand what you’re dealing with, it’s easier to find ways to feel better.
When someone you care about is down, being upbeat can be a lifeline. But too much can careen into toxic positivity. How do you strike the right balance to give optimal support?
I joined Lu Ngo for the latest episode of the Sero Boost podcast by Life Management Science Labs. We dug deep into the art of supporting loved ones (including kids) during challenging times. Plus, I spilled the beans on why “and” is my go-to magic word for parenting with mental health in mind.
Can’t wait for you to join in on this fantastic conversation – available on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts!
Emily P.G. Erickson: The Paradox of Positivity — Balancing Support & Emotions | Sero Boost #40 (Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts).
Book Recommendations
Wellness: A Novel by Nathan Hill has the feel of an offering at the altar of The Great American Novel. I think it largely succeeds. Themes include family, marriage, parenthood, class, the American dream, capitalism, placebo, art, psychology, marriage, and (yes) wellness. The characters, storytelling, and philosophical questions create a beautiful, rich momentum that I couldn’t put down. And there are loads of citations to academic works, which you might think would bog the story, but I think were really fitting to the world of the novel. Perfect for fans of Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen.
As background for my Everyday Health loneliness article, I read U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy‘s book Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. It’s a surprisingly intimate, personal book that does an excellent job weaving together science and stories about the hidden health crisis that is loneliness and the powerful antidote that is human connection. Recommend for people who care about mental health, public health, and wellbeing.
First, I should disclose that I am biased because I love Amy Coddington, who was my housemate in college. While my affection for her is predisposes me to like her book, it also means I got some behind-the-scenes peeks into how thoughtfully she approached the project, called How Hip Hop Became Hit Pop: Rap, Radio, and Race. I think when authors take a lot of care in writing, it shows in the best way, and that’s certainly the case here. While the book has a definite scholarly-bent (Amy is an assistant professor of music at Amherst College), inside you’ll also find puns, wordplay, and a fascinating deep dive into pop culture and how it’s shaped through the frame of radio’s role in bringing (and, at times, hampering) rap’s transition to the musical mainstream. The result is an engaging, fascinating read that helps shed light on how hip hop has become the musical water we all swim in.
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