Psychology research suggests that positive self-talk can stop self-doubt and raise self-efficacy.
All the signs say you can do it. Your boss asks you to take on your biggest assignment yet. Your training plan says it’s time to go a distance you’ve never gone before. Your peers nominate you to serve in a new leadership role.
Others seem to have faith in you. But that voice in your head isn’t so sure: Can you really handle it?
Self-doubt sets in. You worry you’re not up for the new challenge. Nonetheless, you don’t want to give in to the niggling voice.
But how?
Psychology research suggests that reprogramming your pessimistic inner monologue is a good place to start.
Self-Talk Can Boost Self-Efficacy, Break Self-Doubt Cycle
External praise can provide evidence to stanch self-doubt. But the words we say to ourselves may matter a great deal more.
Called “self-talk” in behavioral science literature, psychologists have long understood the power of swapping negative self-talk with positive self-talk to improve mental well-being and performance results, according to the American Psychological Association.
Importantly for those of us who struggle with trusting ourselves, self-talk is a go-to tool for boosting self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is a psychological concept that describes to what degree you believe you’re capable of attaining a goal. Self-efficacy and self-doubt are basically opposites. If you have high self-efficacy for a task, you have low self-doubt.
When I covered self-efficacy for Everyday Health, three of the nine expert tips I wrote about essentially amounted to self-talk tweaks. The psychologists I interviewed recommended using self-talk to encourage yourself, reframe roadbumps, and remind yourself you’re ready.
The literature on self-efficacy suggests that how we speak to ourselves is a low-tech lever for turning the tables on self-doubt. As little verbal nuggets we can repeat as needed, affirmations, in particular, can be a powerful, portable ally for gaining an emotional upper hand.
Affirmations Might Actually Work, Research Suggests
Affirmations may seem cringe or smack of woo, but research suggests that finding the right soundbite to speak positively to ourselves can be objectively helpful.
In one surprising study, college student-athletes who used motivational self-talk, telling themselves “I can do it,” were able to throw a ball farther than those softball players who voiced instructions (like ”see the target”) or talked about something unrelated (such as the weather).
At this point, researchers are curious about ways to adjust affirmations to amplify their impact. For example, a series of scientific experiments comparing how messages landed when addressed to “you” versus “I” suggests that speaking to ourselves in the second person can be more persuasive to our psyches. Related research results suggest that using your name is another effective strategy for changing how you see yourself.
The science of affirmations isn’t totally settled, however. In one study, scientists tried to reduce alcohol use in college students by having them write about themselves as non- or low-drinkers in a few months. Affirming a positive identity as a teetotaler didn’t show any real benefit. The researchers weren’t sure why the approach didn’t work. Researchers wondered whether the participant’s alcohol use was too problematic to begin with or if the writing exercise wasn’t quite optimal (imaging a “best possible self” years out might have been more effective). When it comes to self-talk, the specifics seem to matter.
None of the studies I could find listed any major downsides of affirmations. The biggest risk seems to be that a particular positive self-talk phrase might be a dud. Since we’re talking to ourselves all day anyway, why not try a potentially healthy switcheroo?
Affirmations To Overcome Self-Doubt
To find affirmations that work for you, you’ll have to do some experimenting of your own. I usually come up with three or four almost-right ideas before one really clicks.
To find the perfect phrase, it helps to think through what, specifically, I’m doubting — and then invert it. So, I might realize that “I can’t do this” is ultimately about not feeling like I have the skills, even when I do. An affirmation could be, “You’ve prepared for this moment.”
Once I find an affirmation I like, I write it on a Sticky Note, which I slap on something I see every day, like my nightstand or computer monitor.
Here are affirmations I’ve used when self-doubt has loomed large:
- You are prepared for this.
- Everything that’s come before has prepared you for this.
- You’re ready.
- I trust myself.
- It’s safe to trust yourself.
- Trust your training.
- You’ve trained your whole life for this moment.
- You can handle this.
- You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again.
- You’ve got everything you need.
- You get to benefit from what’s come before.
- This is the natural next step.
- This is the next right thing.
Interested in stepping up your internal soliloquy even more? Check out Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by psychologist Ethan Kross, PhD. Fun fact: I interviewed Dr. Kross for the Everyday Health articles All About Sadness: What Causes It, How to Cope With It, and When to Get Help and How Not To Be Sad: 9 Tips for Managing The Emotion.
My Latest Writing & Editing
- I’m now a full member of ACES: The Society for Editing! Professional groups are such a gift for freelancers like me. They offer professional development opportunities and connections that are hard to find otherwise.
- Speaking of professional development, I’m thrilled to share that I’ve completed the Poynter ACES Certificate in Editing. It’s a well-regarded editing program in the journalism space, and I can see why. My only regret is not taking it sooner.
- In yet more professional development news: I attended the American Psychological Association’s annual convention online earlier this month. As a mental health writer and editor, staying up-to-date is key. And let me tell you: Nothing beats hearing first-hand from top experts in psychological science and mental healthcare. Now I’m buzzing with fresh insights to incorporate into upcoming writing projects.
- I’ve edited nearly a dozen articles in the past few months. Now they’re live online! The pieces cover a range of mental health topics, including metabolic psychiatry, persistent depressive disorder, and anxiety. You can find links to articles I’ve edited here.
- Look out for more published articles from me this fall!
Book Recommendations
Gender Explained: A New Understanding of Identity in a Gender Creative World, by Diana Ehrensaft, PhD and Michelle Jurkiewicz, PsyD
Gender Explained is an approachable manifesto on gender-affirming care written by psychologists.
The authors speak directly to Millennials, Gen Xers, Boomers, and members of the Silent Generation, addressing common concerns and question marks lurking in the back of our heads on the issue of gender and the rapid changes in the way our society thinks about it (including what the deal is with reports of more people assigned female at birth seeking gender-affirming care than their assigned male counterparts). I’ve read a lot about this topic and still felt like this book added needed nuance to my thinking.
I can imagine people who love a someone outside of the gender binary buying this book in bulk and passing it out to friends, family, and community members to help address concerns and dispel rumors about gender-affirming care.
*Thank you to NetGalley for the advance review copy. See my disclosure statement for my policy on accepting books for review.
Superheroes for a Day, by Craig Cormick
Superheroes for a Day is a gem of a kids book, one that sparkles especially brightly for autistic readers.
In my experience as a parent of an autistic child, sometimes books about autistic people feel like they weren’t written by someone who knows and loves anyone autistic. Not a problem here. The dedication says author Craig Cormick wrote it for and with his autistic son. That makes perfect sense given how dialed-in the book feels.
My autistic nine-year-old and I read this book together, trading off pages occasionally. Since it’s targeted at kids like him, he also helped me with this review.
The style is engaging and conversational, the kind of thing that kids (and their grown ups) can fall right into. As my son said about the writing style, “Wow! This is like I’m telling the story.”
And the content clicked too. My son found lots to relate to in the descriptions of the main characters, who are also autistic. (“I’m also terrible at ball sports so that’s a connection,” he said).
We thought the descriptions about what autism is like were unusually spot-on and respectful. (“I do think the perspective thing is important. Just because you’re autistic doesn’t mean you’re weird,” noted my son.)
A heads up to United States-based parents considering this book: It’s written by an Australian author, so there’s some language difference your kid may or may not need help understanding. Happily, they weren’t a deal-breaker for my American son at all.
Overall, my son and I both recommend this book, especially for autistic kids in late elementary and middle school. “I really liked it,” he said. “I’m gonna be excited to see this book out in public.”
*Thank you to Exisle Publishing for the advance review copy. See my disclosure statement for my policy on accepting books for review.
Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience, by Eli Harwood, LPC
Raising Securely Attached Kids by licensed therapist Eli Harwood is a guide covering the whys and hows of being emotionally connected with your kids so they end up having a secure attachment style. The headline here is that you definitely want your kids to be securely attached because a boatload of psychology research suggests its traveling companions include many other measures of emotional well-being.
Harwood’s book is an unusually reader-focused parenting guide. Her writing is engaging and frankly fun to read with lots of humor and compassion cozied right up to research-based insights. You’ll also find tons of relatable examples and suggestions.
What I appreciated most is that from the jump, Harwood frames secure attachment as something that parents can offer (and improve on) no matter the age of their kids. It’s easy to dig into a parenting book and finish it feeling like you’ve already ruined your kid. It’s clear the author doesn’t want you to feel that way. As a mom of three kids who are out of infancy (they’re 3, 6, and 9), I know from experience how differently these kinds of books land when you’re expecting versus when you’ve said bye-bye to the baby phase.
At the same time, as a former mental health researcher, I think it is very difficult for parenting books to advance a point of view while avoiding overstating how much control parents have over their kids’ developmental outcomes or the degree of adherence to a philosophy that’s really needed to support healthy development. This book occasionally struggled to strike that balance. But overall, it largely aims in a solid direction that I think largely does the research justice and that many parents will find helpful.
Recommended for parents of any age kids (even grown-ups) plus those interested in mental health, attachment styles, and self-help.
*Thank you to Blue Star Press for the advance review copy. See my disclosure statement for my policy on accepting books for review.
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